Such a messed up, ya I finally became a crazy person who boiled up, but in the same time I feel really, really relived. That is the moment when I realize that I’ve been hold all the grudge and angriness for a long time.
When a denial always come up,
How can you expect me to open up to you?
I scared, I scared so much how you react on every little things I do,
How I can freely told you about my feelings and thinking?
When there is always blamed and cursed in entire of my life
How I can think to find other person that will treat me well?
No, I can’t. It seems so bad for me feeling this way too,
It’s not like I want this feeling
How I can’t be sick? But you easily can accept his stress, but not mine,
How very difficult for you to accept that, as if I don’t deserve to feel pain
Like someone who loves and knows, shouldn’t you say, “I know her, must be there is a reason why she do this”.
I always became your punching bag so far. I’m sorry this is my limit.
When denial always comes up
How I can told you freely?
When you often boiled up
I need to always hold it, as that’s my mistakes
But when I boiled up for the first time
It still, be my mistakes
That’s why, no matter how much I try,
I’ll end up as the worst and evil person in this world.
Can we stop persist on hierarchy,
And put some love and empathy, just once?
As a human being,
When you can hurt and sick
Can’t I feel the same?
I also have my limit
Everyone has that
This is the way how you survived by hurting me?
But, I also want to survive
After all of this, I also want to survive without waste
I will accept all the blame and judgment,
But please let me breathe
As a human being, please have mercy on me,
even just a little
LILIN KECIL 